6.08.2005

Five ways to save the Democratic Party

From Bob Shrum* at Huffington's Toast:

As the orchestrator of nearly a dozen major campaigns which tanked against
overwhelming odds, I’d like to add my two cents RE Democratic Party
strategy.

1. Why aren’t we talking more about Wicca? Everyone loves Harry Potter, right? If the GOP wants to be the Christian party, we’ll be the party of worshiping trees and lesbian goddesses. Not that this would be a big move from where we are right now.

2. Instead of campaign buttons with Hillary’s picture on them, why not box-cutters? We could put a cute slogan on them. “HIJACK THE VOTE!” Just a thought.

3. I’m loving what Howard is doing for us, but how about some celebrities to help carry the load? Let’s start with Michael Jackson. He’s sexually ambiguous, he used to be a minority, he has an alcohol problem, he’s being prosecuted for a sexual offense…what Democrat can’t relate to that? If he’s convicted, even better. We need an advocate for victims’ rights. Of course, I mean victims of our criminal justice system. One day they’re telling us we can’t rape little boys. The next day, they’re banning books other than the Bible.

4. Reparations. HOLD IT! I don’t mean reparations for blacks. That’s been tried. I mean reparations for the stupid. Blacks were only persecuted for 400 years. The stupid are still persecuted every day, and they make up 60% of the electorate. Howard could push the idea in a rap song. Call himself “Reparation H.” We could give them government money and food stamps. What? We’re already doing that?
Skip it.

5. Let’s take the money we’re wasting on homeland security and spend it on education. Did you know there are still public school infirmaries that don’t stock flavored condoms? Open your eyes, America. The Puritans are winning.
Give me a call, and I’ll do for Hillary what I did for John Kerry.


*not really

No comments:

CalPERS Fail

Despite the awesome bull market this year, CalPERS again missed its return target, earning only 5.8% vs. its required 6.8%. CalPERS has mi...