Save a seal

Evil Canadians are once again about to start the brutal slaughter of baby seals. Here's what you can do to stop them.

I'd like to add a sixth suggestion: boycott Canada. Don't buy Canadian Club whiskey, which they sadistically named after the clubs that they use to bludgeon baby seals. Don't buy any Canadian bacon. And the next time some Canadian comes up to you and says "G'day, mate," punch him in the face.

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Happy Super Tuesday!