12.29.2008

Fed to Bailout the NFL?




No, not the entire league. That'd be too socialist. But why won't the Fed and Bush consider bailing out certain teams that are "too important to fail"? Two such teams, which are long-time "pillars" of the league, are the Bears and the Cowboys. The Bears are THE team that FOUNDED the league! Certainly we can't afford for them to NOT make the playoffs this year, just because in recent years they've made bad investment decisions in regards to players and coaches! That's not reason enough to refuse a bailout. That would be a travesty beyond all travesties. In this case, surely it would be appropriate to "save fair athletic competition by temporarily suspending fair athletic competition". If our government won't step in when things get this bad for the Bears, then what is it good for? Think of all the poor people!

Yes, the Bush/Paulson crew should use their muscle and their vast printing powers to INSTALL the Bears into the 2008-2009 Playoffs. To make room, they'd have to remove from the playoff schedule some other team that rightfully earned a spot there by means of winning enough games. Oh well, fine. That's a small price to pay for saving one of the PILLARS of the league from having to face the consequences of their bad investments and bad stewardship. In my proposal, I'm throwing in the Cowboys, too, not because I like them (I don't), but because clearly they are also "too big to fail". Just ask any Texan. Plus, by including the Cowboys in my proposal, I am sure to win additional votes and political favors from my colleagues. And besides, it was really unfair what happened to the Cowboys this year. It wasn't their fault. Think about it- The Cowboys have a new stadium opening next year, so clearly they CAN'T have been responsible for their bad decisions this season.

I demand, as does the powerful NFL Players' Union lobby, that Bush/Paulson/Congress extend the recent Federal bailouts to the Bears and the Cowboys exclusively, and immediately install them both in the playoffs by means of an executive order or simple voice-vote. Yes, it's sad that it's come to this, but it's time for government action. It's the right thing to do.

[p.s.- Strangely, I wrote this before Negocious L. posted his "Ain't that America" entry! I couldn't agree more, NL!]

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