6.14.2013

Almost heaven, West Virginia

Two years ago, we brought you one of West Virginia's most famous sons, the bath-salt-abusing transvestite goat molester.

Today brings news of the pastimes of the best and brightest at West Virginia's elite private universities:
At about 1:30 a.m. on May 1, 2011, the fraternity was having a house party both Louis Helmburg III and Hughes were attending, according to a complaint filed Jan. 23, 2012, in Cabell Circuit Court.

Helmburg, who played for Marshall University’s baseball team at the time but wasn’t on the Thundering Herd’s 2013 roster, claimed Hughes became intoxicated and attempted to “shoot bottle rockets out of his anus on the ATO deck.”

When doing so, Hughes startled Helmburg, who then jumped back and fell off of the deck of the fraternity house and was injured, according to the suit. He was lodged between the deck and an air conditioning unit.

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