First Call after being on hold for 10 minutes:
NL - "Hi Dottie, can you explain to me how the luxury gifts work?"
Dottie - "Hi, the luxury gifts are gifts that you get because you are a member of the card. They are luxury items from the top vendors in the world."
NL - "Can you name some of the vendors for me?"
Dottie - "No I don't have that information."
NL - "Well, Dottie, you can see how it might be considered a scam if you don't know what the gifts are before signing up don't you think?"
Dottie - "It definitely isn't a scam."
NL - "So I'm going to pay $500 for something you just can't tell me what it is?"
Dottie - "Please hold" - [Puts me on hold and I finally hang up]
NL - "Hi Debbie, I'm one of the beautiful people who have been chosen for membership with your exclusive card. How are you today?"
Debbie - "Fine sir, would you like to sign up for the card?"
NL - "I'd love to but I want to get more of an idea of what I am getting. Regarding the concierge service, is that for anywhere in the world?"
Debbie - "Yes sir, it's a wonderful service that fulfills of all your concierge needs."
NL - "That's sounds excellent. So say I'm in Amsterdam and I need some female companionship for the evening, is that something the concierge could help me with?"
Debbie - "YOU'LL HAVE TO ASK THEM!"
NL - "But that's the thing, that's why I am calling you to find out. Nevermind, so how about the luxury items, what are they?
Debbie - [same schpeal]
NL - "But if you can't tell me what the items are how can I determine if it is worthwhile? After all what you might call a luxury item might be different than I call a luxury item. For example, I consider caviar, well Bulgarian at least, a luxury item while you might consider a can of premium tuna from the Stop and Shop a luxury item, no?
Debbie - "I don't think so!"
At which point I ended the call because I had nothing more snobbly clever to say.