Obama sends secret letter to Kim Jong Il: Contents Leaked
Obama sends secret letter to North Korean leader. The contents (below) have been leaked.
Dear Mr. Il (or is it Mr. Kim?),I have always been a great admirer of you, and also of your father's work. Therefore, it is an honor to finally write to you, one Head of State to another.As our mutual network has surely informed you by now, I am currently engaged in a large-scale endeavor in my country, the nature of which is similar enough to your father's work that I couldn't put off writing this letter any longer. Simply put, I seek some advice.So far, I've made a good deal of progress. I've successfully co-opted large sectors of our rotting free-market system, and I'm leveraging their power to build a stronger foundation for the next stages. I've dabbled in trying to get our citizens to turn each other in if they speak ill of my agenda (but I have to admit I need to start taking that effort more seriously soon). I've established my image as a new iconographic national symbol, though only informally. I've tested the allegiance of my citizen-army, and have even given them a non-partisan color (purple). The results were pleasing to me. They happily beat-up a man who had a different opinion at a "town hall" meeting. My backers, some of whom you might have worked with, long ago bought the media, and they are holding up. Now, with my Health bill and Cap and Trade being diligently forced through my puppet legislature, and my impending gift of Amnesty/Citizenship to all the currently "illegal" comrades who live here, I am, as we say in this country, "rounding 2nd base". I humbly ask your advice as I approach 3rd base.How do you suggest I implement the next stages? I do have my own plans, but I would love to hear your thoughts on this. I think, with your advice, and my work-ethic, 2010 will be a year that "The Party" will look back upon as fondly as it does 1917. This is the biggest fish of all I am trying to capture for us! Wish me luck.In the meantime, please send my best to your family. I look forward to joining you in Committee meetings, once we've consolidated "The Party" internationally.Yours with trust in the Party,-Chairman MaObamaP.S.: As an official State Gift, enclosed is an Ipod with some of my speeches stored on it. Yes, I admit sometimes capitalists can make handy devices, but that won't stop me from buying ropes from them. Oh, and Van, Andy, and Bill say Hello.