- Me, wifey, 3 year old and 3 month old arrive at ORD at 6AM for a 7:50 flight and check in.
- We head to nearest TSA checkpoint noted in the diagram below and get into the preliminary line. This is the line where they determine if you are in the right place, check your ID and shuffle you into the appropriate queue. This is nice because families get to go into a special line after this step.
- We are about 10 people away from our first handler who would then presumably send us into the family line; and there are about 40 people behind us. Then all of the sudden a TSA official muckedy-muck comes up and orders the line closed. Why? Because there is a TSA checkpoint noted in the diagram below that is empty. Therefore to "help out" the entire population in line we are ordered to the alternative checkpoint AT THE OTHER END OF THE TERMINAL.
- When I ask the official why, he literally yells at me in disgust because WHY WOULDN'T I WANT TO GO TO AN EMPTY CHECKPOINT. No seriously, he yells at me. When I say I'd like to stay HE YELLS AT ME SOME MORE, YELLS ABSOLUTELY NOT and then walks away in disgust; the checkpoint remains closed.
- Now those with a non-TSA intellect will have realized that moving at speed to maintain that 10th position in line is difficult WITH A 3 YEAR OLD AND AN INFANT! So we went from 10th in line to 50th in line after walking across the terminal SO IT WOULD BE MORE CONVENIENT FOR US!
- When I looked back halfway across the terminal, they had re-opened the original checkpoint. We didn't go back because I think I would have been arrested for expressing my freedom of speech. I know my wife would have been.
So the TSA helped me out by extending my checkpoint time by about 25 minutes by making me walk across the terminal with 2 kids and shorting the amount of time I could get food for my family.
But don't worry, Obamacare is going to be totally different....